If you are still out there, then I am a: shocked, and b: grateful. I’ve been gone a long time, but I needed to be gone for a long time. Sometimes those pesky little dark night’s of the soul pop up when least expected, and if you ignore them they get worse. Guess what I tried to do? If you said “ignore it,” you are very correct. And then it got worse, as I’m sure you’ve guessed. So I took a break from a lot of things: from reading, from writing, from blogging, from looking for a job, from beating myself up about it. And I started spending a lot of time in prayer, and with my family and friends. I took a lot of time to focus on what matters and who matters, and tried to cut out the excess.
I love literature because it puts us face to face with truth, with reality, with the whole of humanity. But sometimes that hurts, and sometimes I need to look away. I’ve only really read the Bible and a few old favorites that are always good for my soul (Anne Voskamp’s One Thousand Gifts, Shauna Niequist’s Bittersweet, Anne Lamott’s Traveling Mercies, Dr. Zhivago, A Wrinkle in Time, bits and pieces of The Chronicles of Narnia, and lots of Denise Levertov, Rumi, Rilke, Dickenson, and Frost.) That puts me hopelessly behind in my quest to read 104 books this year, but I just realized that some things are more important than reading, or even writing. I know most writers would balk at that statement. I’ve been admonished time and again that “We write because we must! Because it is our charge, our purpose, our calling! We write when it is painful because that is what it means to be a writer!” And sometimes we rest, because we are human, even those of us with calloused and ink stained fingers.
But there is a time and a season for everything. And this is the time and the season to crawl back into the light. Hello blog! I’ve missed you!Hello books on my bookshelf! You are dusty and beautiful, and I can’t wait for the adventures we are going to have! Hello pen and journal! I have so much to tell you! Hello story I was working on! I have so many ideas for your future! Hello great wide world! I am different now, but I think I’m better, and I’m ready to rejoin your dance!
I know I’m going to have to work pretty hard to build back up my readership, but it was worth it. I have started reading a thing or two in the past few weeks, so hopefully come Monday I’ll have a new review up. And since I have nothing else worth while to say to you right now, here is a brief photo update of the last two months of my life: (Warning, if you follow me on any social media, this is going to be a lot of repeats for you and thus probably a little boring. So sorry!)
(Not pictured: I also ate a lot of ice cream, called my mom and/or dad almost every day, and spent a lot of time snuggled up with my man watching Dr. Who. It was, all-in-all a good respite for my soul.)
4 responses to “Hello? Anybody There?”
Welcome back, Amanda. Refreshment and a refocus is needed, at some point or another, by everyone. More of us should try it. I’ve missed you. 😉
I’m new to your blog, but I love you already. I love your heart, your sense of humor, and your willingness to be transparent. Also, I love that you love writing and reading a whole lot. 🙂 I completely understand seasons of endless night. I’ve been there. I cried and ate lots of pie. When i did pray, my prayers sounded like, “Hi. Whatever.” I’m glad there is light in your days once more. I’m looking forward to reading more about what’re going on in your life! Happy Monday!
Since I’m a first-time reader, I guess I can’t say welcome back… but glad I stumbled upon this little corner of the webiverse. 🙂 And glad to know that you’re inspired to pick up and start again. Sometimes those breaks are just the sort of refreshment a soul needs. I always love Chronicles of Narnia for a pick-me-up. A magical metaphor is sometimes the most relevant reminder of the Truth that makes everything else trivial. Looking forward to reading more of your posts!
I’m here! And I love you and I love reading your blog 🙂